so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
