The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
