I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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