i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
