I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
