My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
