And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
