I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
