Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
