i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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