is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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