people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
