Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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