I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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