There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
