remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
