pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
