you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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