she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
