So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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