New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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