he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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