Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
