Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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