How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
