wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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