Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
