I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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