Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
