Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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