So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
