I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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