Pants 0. Shit 1.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
