shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
