This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
