I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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