I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
