So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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