Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
