Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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