Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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