The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
