Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
