As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Terrible idea I love it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
