My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
