He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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