Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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