There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
