I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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