oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
