the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
