Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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