NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
