dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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