i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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