I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
