Do you still have your period?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
