i barfeds in our rink
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
