I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
