I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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