Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
