There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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