Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
