Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
