You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
