Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
