I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
