ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
