Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
