You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
