I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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